Note: These headers are ignored in the current implementation
“I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!”, sez Mr. T.
-That's just an old tin can.
-It's an altar to the horse god.
+That’s just an old tin can.
+It’s an altar to the horse god.
A box of dancing mechanical pencils. They dance! They sing!
-It's an old Duke Ellington record.
+It’s an old Duke Ellington record.
A box of fumigation pellets.
-A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM.
-That's just a charred human corpse.
-I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten.
+A digital clock. It’s stuck at 2:17 PM.
+That’s just a charred human corpse.
+I don’t know what that is, but it’s not kitten.
An empty shopping bag. Paper or plastic?
Could it be… a big ugly bowling trophy?
A coat hanger hovers in thin air. Odd.
A freshly-baked pumpkin pie.
A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing.
ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!!
-It's Richard Nixon's nose!
-It's Lucy Ricardo. “Aaaah, Ricky!”, she says.
-You stumble upon Bill Gates' stand-up act.
+It’s Richard Nixon’s nose!
+It’s Lucy Ricardo. “Aaaah, Ricky!”, she says.
+You stumble upon Bill Gates’ stand-up act.
Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra.
-It's the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway?
-It's another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile.
+It’s the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway?
+It’s another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile.
Leonard Richardson is here, asking people to lick him.
-It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle.
+It’s a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle.
Your State Farm Insurance(tm) representative!
-It's the local draft board.
+It’s the local draft board.
Seven 1/4″ screws and a piece of plastic.
An original N800.
One of those stupid “Homes of the Stars” maps.
A signpost saying “TO KITTEN”. It points in no particular direction.
A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole.
A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator.
-It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter.
+It’s a dark, amphorous blob of matter.
Just a pincushion.
-It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity.
+It’s a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity.
“Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize…”
-It's just an object.
+It’s just an object.
A mere collection of pixels.
A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here.
A marijuana brownie.
Just some stuff.
Why are you touching this when you should be finding kitten?
A glorious fan of peacock feathers.
-It's some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant.
+It’s some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant.
A copy of the Weekly World News. Watch out for the chambered nautilus!
-It's the proverbial wet blanket.
+It’s the proverbial wet blanket.
A “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
An incredibly expensive “Mad About You” collector plate.
-Paul Moyer's necktie.
+Paul Moyer’s necktie.
A haircut and a real job. Now you know where to get one!
An automated robot-hater. It frowns disapprovingly at you.
An automated robot-liker. It smiles at you.
-It's a black hole. Don't fall in!
+It’s a black hole. Don’t fall in!
Just a big brick wall.
You found kitten! No, just kidding.
Heart of Darkness brand pistachio nuts.
A smoking branding iron shaped like a 24-pin connector.
-It's a Java applet.
+It’s a Java applet.
An abandoned used-car lot.
A shameless plug for Maemo.
A shameless plug for the UCLA Linux Users Group: http://linux.ucla.edu/
A can of Spam Lite.
-This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley.
-It's scenery for “Waiting for Godot”.
+This is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Stanley.
+It’s scenery for “Waiting for Godot”.
This grain elevator towers high above you.
A Mentos wrapper.
-It's the constellation Pisces.
-It's a fly on the wall. Hi, fly!
-This kind of looks like kitten, but it's not.
-It's a banana! Oh, joy!
+It’s the constellation Pisces.
+It’s a fly on the wall. Hi, fly!
+This kind of looks like kitten, but it’s not.
+It’s a banana! Oh, joy!
A helicopter has crashed here.
Carlos Tarango stands here, doing his best impression of Pat Smear.
A patch of mushrooms grows here.
A spindle, and a grindle, and a bucka-wacka-woom!
A geyser sprays water high into the air.
A toenail? What good is a toenail?
-You've found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game.
+You’ve found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game.
A Buttertonsils bar.
One of the few remaining discoes.
Ah, the uniform of a Revolutionary-era minuteman.
A punch bowl, filled with punch and lemon slices.
-It's nothing but a G-thang, baby.
-IT'S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA!
+It’s nothing but a G-thang, baby.
+IT’S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA!
This was no boating accident!
-Wait! This isn't the poker chip! You've been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ!
+Wait! This isn’t the poker chip! You’ve been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ!
A livery stable! Get your livery!
-It's a perpetual immobility machine.
+It’s a perpetual immobility machine.
“On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick.”
-There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion.
-The World's Biggest Motzah Ball!
+There’s nothing here; it’s just an optical illusion.
+The World’s Biggest Motzah Ball!
A tribe of cannibals lives here. They eat Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, you know.
This appears to be a rather large stack of trashy romance novels.
Look out! Exclamation points!
A herd of wild coffee mugs slumbers here.
-It's a limbo bar! How low can you go?
-It's the horizon. Now THAT'S weird.
+It’s a limbo bar! How low can you go?
+It’s the horizon. Now THAT’S weird.
A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here.
A large snake bars your way.
A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here.
-It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven… but why is it painted green?
-It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! “Bite me!”, he says.
-Hey, look, it's war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.
-It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten.
+It’s an ordinary bust of Beethoven… but why is it painted green?
+It’s TV’s lovable wisecracking Crow! “Bite me!”, he says.
+Hey, look, it’s war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.
+It’s the amazing self-referential thing that’s not kitten.
A flamboyant feather boa. Now you can dress up like Carol Channing!
“Sure hope we get some rain soon,” says Farmer Joe.
-“How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?” asks Farmer Al.
-“Topsoil's all gone, ma,” weeps Lil' Greg.
-This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it's currently peeing in the woods.
+“How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain’t gonna rain no more?” asks Farmer Al.
+“Topsoil’s all gone, ma,” weeps Lil’ Greg.
+This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it’s currently peeing in the woods.
A team of arctic explorers is camped here.
-This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie.
+This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan’s bow tie.
This is the world-famous Chain of Jockstraps.
A trash compactor, compacting away.
This toaster strudel is riddled with bullet holes!
-It's a hologram of a crashed helicopter.
+It’s a hologram of a crashed helicopter.
This is a television. On screen you see a robot strangely similar to yourself.
-This balogna has a first name, it's R-A-N-C-I-D.
-A salmon hatchery? Look again. It's merely a single salmon.
-It's a rim shot. Ba-da-boom!
-It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky. It's also somewhat ooky.
+This balogna has a first name, it’s R‒A‒N‒C‒I‒D.
+A salmon hatchery? Look again. It’s merely a single salmon.
+It’s a rim shot. Ba-da-boom!
+It’s creepy and it’s kooky, mysterious and spooky. It’s also somewhat ooky.
This is an anagram.
This object is like an analogy.
-It's a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere.
+It’s a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere.
The object pushes back at you.
A traffic signal. It appears to have been recently vandalized.
“There is no kitten!” cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy.
-This is a Lagrange point. Don't come too close now.
+This is a Lagrange point. Don’t come too close now.
The dirty old tramp bemoans the loss of his harmonica.
-Look, it's Fanny the Irishman!
+Look, it’s Fanny the Irishman!
What in blazes is this?
-It's the instruction manual for a previous version of this game.
+It’s the instruction manual for a previous version of this game.
A brain cell. Oddly enough, it seems to be functioning.
Tea and/or crumpets.
This jukebox has nothing but Cliff Richards albums in it.
-It's a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum.
+It’s a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum.
This is a remote control. Being a robot, you keep a wide berth.
-It's a roll of industrial-strength copper wire.
+It’s a roll of industrial-strength copper wire.
Oh boy! Grub! Er, grubs.
A puddle of mud, where the mudskippers play.
Plenty of nothing.
-Look at that, it's the Crudmobile.
+Look at that, it’s the Crudmobile.
Just Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon.
-Two crepes, two crepes in a box.
+Two crêpes, two crêpes in a box.
An autographed copy of “Primary Colors”, by Anonymous.
-Another rabbit? That's three today!
-It's a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way.
+Another rabbit? That’s three today!
+It’s a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way.
A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null.
-Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr!
-It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away.
+Thar’s Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr!
+It’s a charcoal briquette, smoking away.
A pizza, melting in the sun.
-It's a “HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York” novelty cup.
+It’s a “HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York” novelty cup.
A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously.
-It's nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone?
+It’s nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone?
A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you.
This TRS-80 III is eerily silent.
A toilet bowl occupies this space.
This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole!
-It's a solitary vaccuum tube.
+It’s a solitary vaccuum tube.
This corroded robot is clutching a mitten.
-“Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'.”
+“Hi, I’m Anson Williams, TV’s ‘Potsy’.”
This subwoofer was blown out in 1974.
Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel.
-It's the missing chapter to “A Clockwork Orange”.
-It's a burrito stand flyer. “Taqueria El Ranchito”.
+It’s the missing chapter to “A Clockwork Orange”.
+It’s a burrito stand flyer. “Taqueria El Ranchito”.
This smiling family is happy because they eat LARD.
Roger Avery, persona un famoso de los Estados Unidos.
-Ne'er but a potted plant.
+Ne’er but a potted plant.
A parrot, kipping on its back.
A forgotten telephone switchboard.
A forgotten telephone switchboard operator.
-It's an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you're not there.
-It's a portable hole. A sign reads: “Closed for the winter”.
+It’s an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you’re not there.
+It’s a portable hole. A sign reads: “Closed for the winter”.
Just a moldy loaf of bread.
A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89) Too bad you have no lips.
A Swiss-Army knife. All of its appendages are out. (toothpick lost)
-It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character.
-It's a copy of “The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy”.
-It's “War and Peace” (unabridged, very small print).
+It’s a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character.
+It’s a copy of “The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy”.
+It’s “War and Peace” (unabridged, very small print).
A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit.
A robot comedian. You feel amused.
-It's KITT, the talking car.
-Here's Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead.
+It’s KITT, the talking car.
+Here’s Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead.
“Blup, blup, blup”, says the mud pot.
More grist for the mill.
-Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs.
+Grind ’em up, spit ’em out, they’re twigs.
The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune.
-It's “Finding kitten”, published by O'Reilly and Associates.
+It’s “Finding kitten”, published by O’Reilly and Associates.
Pumpkin pie spice.
-It's the Bass-Matic '76! Mmm, that's good bass!
-“Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday”, pleas Andy Capp.
-It's a tape of '70s rock. All original hits! All original artists!
-You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard!
+It’s the Bass-Matic ’76! Mmm, that’s good bass!
+“Lend us a fiver ’til Thursday”, pleas Andy Capp.
+It’s a tape of ’70s rock. All original hits! All original artists!
+You’ve found the fabled America Online disk graveyard!
Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape.
-It's the astounding meta-object.
+It’s the astounding meta-object.
Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought. Seeing you, he bellows, “YES SIR!”
…thingy???
-It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know!
+It’s 1000 secrets the government doesn’t want you to know!
The letters O and R.
A magical… magic thing.
-It's a moment of silence.
-It's Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty.
-It's “Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.”
+It’s a moment of silence.
+It’s Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty.
+It’s “Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.”
It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth.
It is a cloud shaped like an ox.
You see a snowflake here, melting slowly.
-It's a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it.
-Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here.
-It's a copy of “Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance”.
+It’s a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it.
+Vladimir Lenin’s casket rests here.
+It’s a copy of “Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance”.
This invisible box contains a pantomime horse.
A mason jar lies here open. Its label reads: “do not open!”.
A train of thought chugs through here.
This jar of pickles expired in 1957.
-Someone's identity disk lies here.
+Someone’s identity disk lies here.
“Yes!” says the bit.
“No!” says the bit.
A dodecahedron bars your way.
Mr. Hooper is here, surfing.
-It's a big smoking fish.
+It’s a big smoking fish.
You have new mail in /var/spool/robot
Just a monitor with the blue element burnt out.
A pile of coaxial plumbing lies here.
-It's a rotten old shoe.
-It's a hundred-dollar bill.
-It's a Dvorak keyboard.
-It's a cardboard box full of 8-tracks.
+It’s a rotten old shoe.
+It’s a hundred-dollar bill.
+It’s a Dvorak keyboard.
+It’s a cardboard box full of 8-tracks.
Just a broken hard drive containg the archives of Nerth Pork.
A broken metronome sits here, its needle off to one side.
A sign reads: “Go home!”
A sign reads: “No robots allowed!”
-It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger.
+It’s the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger.
This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC.
This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie.
A wireframe model of a hot dog rotates in space here.
Just the empty husk of a locust.
You disturb a murder of crows.
-It's a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA.
-It's Death.
-It's an autographed copy of “Secondary Colors,” by Bob Ross.
+It’s a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA.
+It’s Death.
+It’s an autographed copy of “Secondary Colors,” by Bob Ross.
It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck.
-It's a DVD of “Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten”, region encoded for the moon.
-It's Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia!
+It’s a DVD of “Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten”, region encoded for the moon.
+It’s Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia!
A non-descript box of crackers.
Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors, Caffeine.
“Move along! Nothing to see here!”
-It's the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin.
+It’s the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin.
A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner.
A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce. Worthless.
projects / rfk / commitdiff