From: Thomas Thurman Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 01:28:30 +0000 (-0400) Subject: more typographical niceties X-Git-Url: http://vcs.maemo.org/git/?p=rfk;a=commitdiff_plain;h=b6c01b151b1c8e908be89f010b510263fc259b4b more typographical niceties --- diff --git a/non-kitten-items.rfk b/non-kitten-items.rfk index 62fb63d..fb54f5f 100644 --- a/non-kitten-items.rfk +++ b/non-kitten-items.rfk @@ -4,14 +4,14 @@ Name: Canonical non-kitten items Note: These headers are ignored in the current implementation “I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!”, sez Mr. T. -That's just an old tin can. -It's an altar to the horse god. +That’s just an old tin can. +It’s an altar to the horse god. A box of dancing mechanical pencils. They dance! They sing! -It's an old Duke Ellington record. +It’s an old Duke Ellington record. A box of fumigation pellets. -A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM. -That's just a charred human corpse. -I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten. +A digital clock. It’s stuck at 2:17 PM. +That’s just a charred human corpse. +I don’t know what that is, but it’s not kitten. An empty shopping bag. Paper or plastic? Could it be… a big ugly bowling trophy? A coat hanger hovers in thin air. Odd. @@ -19,27 +19,27 @@ Not kitten, just a packet of Kool-Aid(tm). A freshly-baked pumpkin pie. A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing. ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!! -It's Richard Nixon's nose! -It's Lucy Ricardo. “Aaaah, Ricky!”, she says. -You stumble upon Bill Gates' stand-up act. +It’s Richard Nixon’s nose! +It’s Lucy Ricardo. “Aaaah, Ricky!”, she says. +You stumble upon Bill Gates’ stand-up act. Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra. -It's the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway? -It's another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile. +It’s the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway? +It’s another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile. Leonard Richardson is here, asking people to lick him. -It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle. +It’s a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle. Your State Farm Insurance(tm) representative! -It's the local draft board. +It’s the local draft board. Seven 1/4″ screws and a piece of plastic. An original N800. One of those stupid “Homes of the Stars” maps. A signpost saying “TO KITTEN”. It points in no particular direction. A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole. A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator. -It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter. +It’s a dark, amphorous blob of matter. Just a pincushion. -It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity. +It’s a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity. “Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize…” -It's just an object. +It’s just an object. A mere collection of pixels. A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here. A marijuana brownie. @@ -48,33 +48,33 @@ Daily hunger conditioner from Australasia Just some stuff. Why are you touching this when you should be finding kitten? A glorious fan of peacock feathers. -It's some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant. +It’s some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant. A copy of the Weekly World News. Watch out for the chambered nautilus! -It's the proverbial wet blanket. +It’s the proverbial wet blanket. A “Get Out of Jail Free” card. An incredibly expensive “Mad About You” collector plate. -Paul Moyer's necktie. +Paul Moyer’s necktie. A haircut and a real job. Now you know where to get one! An automated robot-hater. It frowns disapprovingly at you. An automated robot-liker. It smiles at you. -It's a black hole. Don't fall in! +It’s a black hole. Don’t fall in! Just a big brick wall. You found kitten! No, just kidding. Heart of Darkness brand pistachio nuts. A smoking branding iron shaped like a 24-pin connector. -It's a Java applet. +It’s a Java applet. An abandoned used-car lot. A shameless plug for Maemo. A shameless plug for the UCLA Linux Users Group: http://linux.ucla.edu/ A can of Spam Lite. -This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley. -It's scenery for “Waiting for Godot”. +This is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into, Stanley. +It’s scenery for “Waiting for Godot”. This grain elevator towers high above you. A Mentos wrapper. -It's the constellation Pisces. -It's a fly on the wall. Hi, fly! -This kind of looks like kitten, but it's not. -It's a banana! Oh, joy! +It’s the constellation Pisces. +It’s a fly on the wall. Hi, fly! +This kind of looks like kitten, but it’s not. +It’s a banana! Oh, joy! A helicopter has crashed here. Carlos Tarango stands here, doing his best impression of Pat Smear. A patch of mushrooms grows here. @@ -82,173 +82,173 @@ A patch of grape jelly grows here. A spindle, and a grindle, and a bucka-wacka-woom! A geyser sprays water high into the air. A toenail? What good is a toenail? -You've found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game. +You’ve found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game. A Buttertonsils bar. One of the few remaining discoes. Ah, the uniform of a Revolutionary-era minuteman. A punch bowl, filled with punch and lemon slices. -It's nothing but a G-thang, baby. -IT'S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA! +It’s nothing but a G-thang, baby. +IT’S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA! This was no boating accident! -Wait! This isn't the poker chip! You've been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ! +Wait! This isn’t the poker chip! You’ve been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ! A livery stable! Get your livery! -It's a perpetual immobility machine. +It’s a perpetual immobility machine. “On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick.” -There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion. -The World's Biggest Motzah Ball! +There’s nothing here; it’s just an optical illusion. +The World’s Biggest Motzah Ball! A tribe of cannibals lives here. They eat Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, you know. This appears to be a rather large stack of trashy romance novels. Look out! Exclamation points! A herd of wild coffee mugs slumbers here. -It's a limbo bar! How low can you go? -It's the horizon. Now THAT'S weird. +It’s a limbo bar! How low can you go? +It’s the horizon. Now THAT’S weird. A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here. A large snake bars your way. A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here. -It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven… but why is it painted green? -It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! “Bite me!”, he says. -Hey, look, it's war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. -It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten. +It’s an ordinary bust of Beethoven… but why is it painted green? +It’s TV’s lovable wisecracking Crow! “Bite me!”, he says. +Hey, look, it’s war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. +It’s the amazing self-referential thing that’s not kitten. A flamboyant feather boa. Now you can dress up like Carol Channing! “Sure hope we get some rain soon,” says Farmer Joe. -“How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?” asks Farmer Al. -“Topsoil's all gone, ma,” weeps Lil' Greg. -This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it's currently peeing in the woods. +“How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain’t gonna rain no more?” asks Farmer Al. +“Topsoil’s all gone, ma,” weeps Lil’ Greg. +This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it’s currently peeing in the woods. A team of arctic explorers is camped here. -This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie. +This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan’s bow tie. This is the world-famous Chain of Jockstraps. A trash compactor, compacting away. This toaster strudel is riddled with bullet holes! -It's a hologram of a crashed helicopter. +It’s a hologram of a crashed helicopter. This is a television. On screen you see a robot strangely similar to yourself. -This balogna has a first name, it's R-A-N-C-I-D. -A salmon hatchery? Look again. It's merely a single salmon. -It's a rim shot. Ba-da-boom! -It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky. It's also somewhat ooky. +This balogna has a first name, it’s R‒A‒N‒C‒I‒D. +A salmon hatchery? Look again. It’s merely a single salmon. +It’s a rim shot. Ba-da-boom! +It’s creepy and it’s kooky, mysterious and spooky. It’s also somewhat ooky. This is an anagram. This object is like an analogy. -It's a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere. +It’s a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere. The object pushes back at you. A traffic signal. It appears to have been recently vandalized. “There is no kitten!” cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy. -This is a Lagrange point. Don't come too close now. +This is a Lagrange point. Don’t come too close now. The dirty old tramp bemoans the loss of his harmonica. -Look, it's Fanny the Irishman! +Look, it’s Fanny the Irishman! What in blazes is this? -It's the instruction manual for a previous version of this game. +It’s the instruction manual for a previous version of this game. A brain cell. Oddly enough, it seems to be functioning. Tea and/or crumpets. This jukebox has nothing but Cliff Richards albums in it. -It's a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum. +It’s a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum. This is a remote control. Being a robot, you keep a wide berth. -It's a roll of industrial-strength copper wire. +It’s a roll of industrial-strength copper wire. Oh boy! Grub! Er, grubs. A puddle of mud, where the mudskippers play. Plenty of nothing. -Look at that, it's the Crudmobile. +Look at that, it’s the Crudmobile. Just Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon. -Two crepes, two crepes in a box. +Two crêpes, two crêpes in a box. An autographed copy of “Primary Colors”, by Anonymous. -Another rabbit? That's three today! -It's a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way. +Another rabbit? That’s three today! +It’s a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way. A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null. -Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr! -It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away. +Thar’s Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr! +It’s a charcoal briquette, smoking away. A pizza, melting in the sun. -It's a “HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York” novelty cup. +It’s a “HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York” novelty cup. A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously. -It's nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone? +It’s nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone? A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you. This TRS-80 III is eerily silent. A toilet bowl occupies this space. This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole! -It's a solitary vaccuum tube. +It’s a solitary vaccuum tube. This corroded robot is clutching a mitten. -“Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'.” +“Hi, I’m Anson Williams, TV’s ‘Potsy’.” This subwoofer was blown out in 1974. Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel. -It's the missing chapter to “A Clockwork Orange”. -It's a burrito stand flyer. “Taqueria El Ranchito”. +It’s the missing chapter to “A Clockwork Orange”. +It’s a burrito stand flyer. “Taqueria El Ranchito”. This smiling family is happy because they eat LARD. Roger Avery, persona un famoso de los Estados Unidos. -Ne'er but a potted plant. +Ne’er but a potted plant. A parrot, kipping on its back. A forgotten telephone switchboard. A forgotten telephone switchboard operator. -It's an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you're not there. -It's a portable hole. A sign reads: “Closed for the winter”. +It’s an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you’re not there. +It’s a portable hole. A sign reads: “Closed for the winter”. Just a moldy loaf of bread. A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89) Too bad you have no lips. A Swiss-Army knife. All of its appendages are out. (toothpick lost) -It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character. -It's a copy of “The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy”. -It's “War and Peace” (unabridged, very small print). +It’s a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character. +It’s a copy of “The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy”. +It’s “War and Peace” (unabridged, very small print). A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit. A robot comedian. You feel amused. -It's KITT, the talking car. -Here's Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead. +It’s KITT, the talking car. +Here’s Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead. “Blup, blup, blup”, says the mud pot. More grist for the mill. -Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs. +Grind ’em up, spit ’em out, they’re twigs. The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune. -It's “Finding kitten”, published by O'Reilly and Associates. +It’s “Finding kitten”, published by O’Reilly and Associates. Pumpkin pie spice. -It's the Bass-Matic '76! Mmm, that's good bass! -“Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday”, pleas Andy Capp. -It's a tape of '70s rock. All original hits! All original artists! -You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard! +It’s the Bass-Matic ’76! Mmm, that’s good bass! +“Lend us a fiver ’til Thursday”, pleas Andy Capp. +It’s a tape of ’70s rock. All original hits! All original artists! +You’ve found the fabled America Online disk graveyard! Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape. -It's the astounding meta-object. +It’s the astounding meta-object. Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought. Seeing you, he bellows, “YES SIR!” …thingy??? -It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know! +It’s 1000 secrets the government doesn’t want you to know! The letters O and R. A magical… magic thing. -It's a moment of silence. -It's Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty. -It's “Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.” +It’s a moment of silence. +It’s Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty. +It’s “Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.” It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth. It is a cloud shaped like an ox. You see a snowflake here, melting slowly. -It's a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it. -Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here. -It's a copy of “Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance”. +It’s a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it. +Vladimir Lenin’s casket rests here. +It’s a copy of “Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance”. This invisible box contains a pantomime horse. A mason jar lies here open. Its label reads: “do not open!”. A train of thought chugs through here. This jar of pickles expired in 1957. -Someone's identity disk lies here. +Someone’s identity disk lies here. “Yes!” says the bit. “No!” says the bit. A dodecahedron bars your way. Mr. Hooper is here, surfing. -It's a big smoking fish. +It’s a big smoking fish. You have new mail in /var/spool/robot Just a monitor with the blue element burnt out. A pile of coaxial plumbing lies here. -It's a rotten old shoe. -It's a hundred-dollar bill. -It's a Dvorak keyboard. -It's a cardboard box full of 8-tracks. +It’s a rotten old shoe. +It’s a hundred-dollar bill. +It’s a Dvorak keyboard. +It’s a cardboard box full of 8-tracks. Just a broken hard drive containg the archives of Nerth Pork. A broken metronome sits here, its needle off to one side. A sign reads: “Go home!” A sign reads: “No robots allowed!” -It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger. +It’s the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger. This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC. This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie. A wireframe model of a hot dog rotates in space here. Just the empty husk of a locust. You disturb a murder of crows. -It's a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA. -It's Death. -It's an autographed copy of “Secondary Colors,” by Bob Ross. +It’s a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA. +It’s Death. +It’s an autographed copy of “Secondary Colors,” by Bob Ross. It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck. -It's a DVD of “Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten”, region encoded for the moon. -It's Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia! +It’s a DVD of “Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten”, region encoded for the moon. +It’s Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia! A non-descript box of crackers. Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors, Caffeine. “Move along! Nothing to see here!” -It's the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin. +It’s the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin. A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner. A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce. Worthless.