From 24d7afbd4652c91c1f868892a4708d7d52f57de5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Thomas Thurman Date: Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:09:44 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] list of non-kitten items --- non-kitten-items.rfk | 254 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 254 insertions(+) create mode 100644 non-kitten-items.rfk diff --git a/non-kitten-items.rfk b/non-kitten-items.rfk new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5431d0b --- /dev/null +++ b/non-kitten-items.rfk @@ -0,0 +1,254 @@ +# robotfindskitten NKI file v1.0 +Version: 1.0 +Name: Canonical non-kitten items +Note: These headers are ignored in the current implementation + +"I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!", sez Mr. T. +That's just an old tin can. +It's an altar to the horse god. +A box of dancing mechanical pencils. They dance! They sing! +It's an old Duke Ellington record. +A box of fumigation pellets. +A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM. +That's just a charred human corpse. +I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten. +An empty shopping bag. Paper or plastic? +Could it be... a big ugly bowling trophy? +A coat hanger hovers in thin air. Odd. +Not kitten, just a packet of Kool-Aid(tm). +A freshly-baked pumpkin pie. +A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing. +ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!! +It's Richard Nixon's nose! +It's Lucy Ricardo. "Aaaah, Ricky!", she says. +You stumble upon Bill Gates' stand-up act. +Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra. +It's the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway? +It's another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile. +Leonard Richardson is here, asking people to lick him. +It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle. +Your State Farm Insurance(tm) representative! +It's the local draft board. +Seven 1/4" screws and a piece of plastic. +An 80286 machine. +One of those stupid "Homes of the Stars" maps. +A signpost saying "TO KITTEN". It points in no particular direction. +A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole. +A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator. +It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter. +Just a pincushion. +It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity. +"Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize..." +It's just an object. +A mere collection of pixels. +A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here. +A marijuana brownie. +A plush Chewbacca. +Daily hunger conditioner from Australasia +Just some stuff. +Why are you touching this when you should be finding kitten? +A glorious fan of peacock feathers. +It's some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant. +A copy of the Weekly World News. Watch out for the chambered nautilus! +It's the proverbial wet blanket. +A "Get Out of Jail Free" card. +An incredibly expensive "Mad About You" collector plate. +Paul Moyer's necktie. +A haircut and a real job. Now you know where to get one! +An automated robot-hater. It frowns disapprovingly at you. +An automated robot-liker. It smiles at you. +It's a black hole. Don't fall in! +Just a big brick wall. +You found kitten! No, just kidding. +Heart of Darkness brand pistachio nuts. +A smoking branding iron shaped like a 24-pin connector. +It's a Java applet. +An abandoned used-car lot. +A shameless plug for Maemo. +A shameless plug for the UCLA Linux Users Group: http://linux.ucla.edu/ +A can of Spam Lite. +This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley. +It's scenery for "Waiting for Godot". +This grain elevator towers high above you. +A Mentos wrapper. +It's the constellation Pisces. +It's a fly on the wall. Hi, fly! +This kind of looks like kitten, but it's not. +It's a banana! Oh, joy! +A helicopter has crashed here. +Carlos Tarango stands here, doing his best impression of Pat Smear. +A patch of mushrooms grows here. +A patch of grape jelly grows here. +A spindle, and a grindle, and a bucka-wacka-woom! +A geyser sprays water high into the air. +A toenail? What good is a toenail? +You've found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game. +A Buttertonsils bar. +One of the few remaining discoes. +Ah, the uniform of a Revolutionary-era minuteman. +A punch bowl, filled with punch and lemon slices. +It's nothing but a G-thang, baby. +IT'S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA! +This was no boating accident! +Wait! This isn't the poker chip! You've been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ! +A livery stable! Get your livery! +It's a perpetual immobility machine. +"On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick." +There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion. +The World's Biggest Motzah Ball! +A tribe of cannibals lives here. They eat Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, you know. +This appears to be a rather large stack of trashy romance novels. +Look out! Exclamation points! +A herd of wild coffee mugs slumbers here. +It's a limbo bar! How low can you go? +It's the horizon. Now THAT'S weird. +A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here. +A large snake bars your way. +A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here. +It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven... but why is it painted green? +It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! "Bite me!", he says. +Hey, look, it's war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. +It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten. +A flamboyant feather boa. Now you can dress up like Carol Channing! +"Sure hope we get some rain soon," says Farmer Joe. +"How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?" asks Farmer Al. +"Topsoil's all gone, ma," weeps Lil' Greg. +This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it's currently peeing in the woods. +A team of arctic explorers is camped here. +This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie. +This is the world-famous Chain of Jockstraps. +A trash compactor, compacting away. +This toaster strudel is riddled with bullet holes! +It's a hologram of a crashed helicopter. +This is a television. On screen you see a robot strangely similar to yourself. +This balogna has a first name, it's R-A-N-C-I-D. +A salmon hatchery? Look again. It's merely a single salmon. +It's a rim shot. Ba-da-boom! +It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky. It's also somewhat ooky. +This is an anagram. +This object is like an analogy. +It's a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere. +The object pushes back at you. +A traffic signal. It appears to have been recently vandalized. +"There is no kitten!" cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy. +This is a Lagrange point. Don't come too close now. +The dirty old tramp bemoans the loss of his harmonica. +Look, it's Fanny the Irishman! +What in blazes is this? +It's the instruction manual for a previous version of this game. +A brain cell. Oddly enough, it seems to be functioning. +Tea and/or crumpets. +This jukebox has nothing but Cliff Richards albums in it. +It's a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum. +This is a remote control. Being a robot, you keep a wide berth. +It's a roll of industrial-strength copper wire. +Oh boy! Grub! Er, grubs. +A puddle of mud, where the mudskippers play. +Plenty of nothing. +Look at that, it's the Crudmobile. +Just Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon. +Two crepes, two crepes in a box. +An autographed copy of "Primary Colors", by Anonymous. +Another rabbit? That's three today! +It's a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way. +A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null. +Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr! +It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away. +A pizza, melting in the sun. +It's a "HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York" novelty cup. +A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously. +It's nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone? +A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you. +This TRS-80 III is eerily silent. +A toilet bowl occupies this space. +This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole! +It's a solitary vaccuum tube. +This corroded robot is clutching a mitten. +"Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'." +This subwoofer was blown out in 1974. +Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel. +It's the missing chapter to "A Clockwork Orange". +It's a burrito stand flyer. "Taqueria El Ranchito". +This smiling family is happy because they eat LARD. +Roger Avery, persona un famoso de los Estados Unidos. +Ne'er but a potted plant. +A parrot, kipping on its back. +A forgotten telephone switchboard. +A forgotten telephone switchboard operator. +It's an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you're not there. +It's a portable hole. A sign reads: "Closed for the winter". +Just a moldy loaf of bread. +A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89) Too bad you have no lips. +A Swiss-Army knife. All of its appendages are out. (toothpick lost) +It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character. +It's a copy of "The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy". +It's "War and Peace" (unabridged, very small print). +A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit. +A robot comedian. You feel amused. +It's KITT, the talking car. +Here's Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead. +"Blup, blup, blup", says the mud pot. +More grist for the mill. +Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs. +The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune. +It's "Finding kitten", published by O'Reilly and Associates. +Pumpkin pie spice. +It's the Bass-Matic '76! Mmm, that's good bass! +"Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday", pleas Andy Capp. +It's a tape of '70s rock. All original hits! All original artists! +You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard! +Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape. +It's the astounding meta-object. +Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought. Seeing you, he bellows, "YES SIR!" +...thingy??? +It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know! +The letters O and R. +A magical... magic thing. +It's a moment of silence. +It's Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty. +It's "Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot." +It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth. +It is a cloud shaped like an ox. +You see a snowflake here, melting slowly. +It's a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it. +Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here. +It's a copy of "Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance". +This invisible box contains a pantomime horse. +A mason jar lies here open. Its label reads: "do not open!". +A train of thought chugs through here. +This jar of pickles expired in 1957. +Someone's identity disk lies here. +"Yes!" says the bit. +"No!" says the bit. +A dodecahedron bars your way. +Mr. Hooper is here, surfing. +It's a big smoking fish. +You have new mail in /var/spool/robot +Just a monitor with the blue element burnt out. +A pile of coaxial plumbing lies here. +It's a rotten old shoe. +It's a hundred-dollar bill. +It's a Dvorak keyboard. +It's a cardboard box full of 8-tracks. +Just a broken hard drive containg the archives of Nerth Pork. +A broken metronome sits here, its needle off to one side. +A sign reads: "Go home!" +A sign reads: "No robots allowed!" +It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger. +This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC. +This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie. +A wireframe model of a hot dog rotates in space here. +Just the empty husk of a locust. +You disturb a murder of crows. +It's a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA. +It's Death. +It's an autographed copy of "Secondary Colors," by Bob Ross. +It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck. +It's a DVD of "Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten", region encoded for the moon. +It's Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia! +A non-descript box of crackers. +Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors, Caffeine. +"Move along! Nothing to see here!" +It's the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin. +A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner. +A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce. Worthless. -- 1.7.9.5